Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
