I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
