all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
