you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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