also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
