Your dad touched me again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Randomize