So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
