When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
