I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
two words: eviction party
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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