and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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