That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
