Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
