ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
