It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
