I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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