I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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