You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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