wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize