If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize