We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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