What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
