Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
