I wish my penis had an off switch
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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