When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
