remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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