I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
