Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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