Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
vagina is talking i cant
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you never un-have a 4some
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
