I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
