I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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