i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
