Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
