My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
