I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
