He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
