My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
