I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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