here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
