Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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