Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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