remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
