i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
