do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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