C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
