just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize