i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
