I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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