The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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