Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize