people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
