hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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