i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
