Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
