hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
