dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
