i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
