First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
