well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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