all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
