Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
