4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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