i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
